[Auto] Real Update

WELCOME BACK TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING MIKEL. GOOD TO SEE YOU'RE STILL AROUND. 8]

LET'S STAR WITH THE BASICS! I have received a few requests for me to reopen commissions. Generally I wouldn't put this here in this blog, but I'll do it just this once.

I WILL BE TAKING COMMISSIONS AS SOON AS MY SHITTY CLASSES END.

THAT IS ALL.

Now on to life stuff--


01. Finals, Exams, Papers, Projects, and Speeches AHHHHH
My head wants to explode. I'm so unbelievably swamped and there's only two weeks left until finals yet I've got all this stuff to do! It's ridiculous! @__@ My schedule looks more insane than anything I've ever had to deal with before and the fact that I still seem to be a bit behind on it all does NOT comfort me in the slightest. I really wish it would all stop because it's causing stress and sickness and eye twitching and and AND!!! asdfghjkjhgfdsasdfghjhgfds!!!

Anyway I think I'll make through it all in one piece. I have to. I promised some important people that as soon as classes were done that we'd have our crazy all-night RP and plottalk sessions again. This must happen or I finally might flip. I NEED this distraction badly.

So far I think I have all the dates for all my finals. They seem to all come on the beginning portion of FinalsWeek. I think that'll probably mean I will be finished with everything even earlier than I originally thought. This is good and bad at the same time. It also means that we still have an ungodly amount of stuff to do in an ungodly short amount of time. *siiiiiigh*

HERE COMES THE STRESS!

I can only hope I don't fuck myself over with these exams. And my speeches! Holy shit. Those things are not even remotely funny at all. My English is impeccable and that's one of the good things I have on my side (Bi-lingual ftw? yayness \o/) but it still does not help my hatred of giving speeches. I... just freeze up and stare at everyone... or I start cracking jokes to make it seems as though I'm not really up in front of a gazillion people about to give a speech. It helps... kinda.

...well... maybe not... but I like to make myself believe so. orz

Can't blame a guy for trying. *shrug*

...Meanwhile I have been trying to keep with everything going on in my drama class. This is... it works, and yet it does not. I've recently finished our latest project (photographing indoor lightning... oh joy) and I still have no idea what I'm supposed to tell the class on Tuesday. I mean, what the fuck can I tell them? "The shadows.... LOOM OVER THE LIGHT! ....FEAR THE LIGHT!! Dx"

...oh yeah. I can see that going over well.

Fuck me. Really. Fuck. Me.


02. Family and Friends
As far as I'm concerned, I think I'm two fries shot of a happy meal losing my mind. SO. MUCH. HAS. HAPPENED. It feels utterly unreal. I think I told you about my dear friend who died not even two months ago? Well to add to the dead list is my grumpy old, wonderful cat Cael who's been with me since I was a little kid. I had to put him to sleep less than 12 hours ago. Both of these deaths were so sudden and abrupt, I'm still in so much shock. To make things worse, my classes are becoming really stressful and the work just seems to keep piling up. Luckily my professors are understanding, but there's only so much I can do at one time. Work isn't even the biggest thing anymore either, though it's getting pretty crazy there too.

But my biggest issue right now is Aniki. Gods, I just don't know how much more of this he can take. He's become sort of reclusive again and it's worrying me to death, but he's still with me, still loves me, and still wants to keep going (which is the only saving grace here). It's just, well, he had an operation beginning of September of last year. It was a major operation and it's left him sort of in limbo as to recovering. He was going really well but with everything that's going on, the stress is making him get agitated easily and stomach sickness comes to him at any moment. I think he's just so sad he doesn't know what to do with himself and that fact that I'm just as broken up isn't helping either. I'm the one who's always strong and knows what I'm doing and lately I feel like I just... don't, anymore. I know it's scaring him, so I try to hide it but he knows and it scares him even more.

I want to be the loving older brother and lover I've always been. I want to be able to be there for him and calm him down when he's upset, but sometimes it's hard to always be the one who's alright with all the shit that's going down around me. I think he knows that too so he's trying harder not to get too upset, emotional or depressed which means he's holding it inside the way I normally do, which... does not work well for him. I know he's not much like me in that department or I'm really worried about him doing this sort of thing in attempts to "help me". I don't want him to. Not like this. I love him too much to let him go through all this hell for me, though I suppose he'd say the same to me but it's my prerogative if I want to do this for him. (And yes, I know how contradictory that sounds but I don't care right now. I really, really don't.)

*sigh* Gods I don't even know what to do anymore. Things are so crazy. Waaay too much is happening waay too soon. Everything feels mind-boggling to me.

At least friends are still being awesome which is yet another small huge blessing on my part. If I didn't have such amazingly spazztasical people in my life I swear I really wouldn't have much to live for at times. When everyone you think won't let you down does, family and friends are the people you appreciate more than anyone else and that's definitely the case in my situation. I love them all so much. I don't know what I'd do without them.

Mindy-san and I have re-initiated the HgN original RPG by simply fucking remembering where we left off like two years ago. fjdkslndjklsgnkdnsk I cannot wait until I'll have more time to finally participate in our rp-all-nighters. ♥ :]

Mae-chan and my American friends want to drag Aniki and I to America to have a vacation with them in July. I'm not sure if I can do that or not since I think we're going to try taking a summer course or two to get ahead with some of my classes, but I don't have any times or days yet so I don't know. Hopefully I'll be able to. That would be nice to see them. Namu and Dagger want us to come to the UK so we could spend some time with them. I want to see them so bad. I miss them terribly.


03. CLASSES & REGISTRATION
Classes for this semester is already in the dumps. I hope I'll at least be able to maintain a B/B+ average. I'm praying to every deity I can think of and asking my friends to do the same just so that maybe things won't look quite as horrible as they're appearing. T__T

Today I actually skipped out on all my classes just to sleep in. I'm so tired. Exhausted really. I'm probably going to end up sleeping in again today... maybe. We'll see. I just don't feel like going in to classes right now. I can't focus on most of it anyway.

Registration has been a bit hectic as usual, but luckily I think it has been mostly resolved. I still need to talk to the director of the Writing department to see about my individualized independent study CRWR courses.

Good news! I've chosen two summer course (one for my major and one for my minor) and they look pretty interesting. I'm highly looking forward to them. ♥ Summer classes are miraculously all paid for! This was mostly because of some sort of awesome rebate for being a member of the armed forces.

So, this basically means we're covered if we want to take classes this summer.

Holy shit yay. :DDDDDDDDDDD


04. Art Block is huge.
I've been hating my art so bad since. Like. I don't know, the start of the year. No drive, no will, no ANYTHING. It's like everything I draw comes out looking like shit, and I hate it. And just. This is happening way too often for my liking and I have commissions to do and I feel like a failure because I don't want to draw them crap but I don't want to have them waiting as I'm sure they will be if I don't find my art muse again. I feel as though everyone's gotten so much better with their art than me and this is mostly because I haven't even be able to focus on drawing anything for myself or even others. I have tons of new art I'd love to draw but I haven't had the chance to.

Like the Impalti. God knows I want to draw them. I want to draw Rein and Sheppard. SO. BAD.

UGH.

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.


05. Writing Block is even BIGGER.
So you cannot believe how frustrating this one is. I don't know what else to do to help motivate me even more. I'm simply at my wits end. I have tons of ideas floating around in my head but when I go to sit down to write them, nothing wants to come out and I don't know what I'm going to do to try and get my mojo back. Fucking-A. I hate this more than you can possibly begin to understand. I've created a whole new Wunderkind species, characters, people, places and things, sayings, customs, cultures and I'm just sitting here like a fucking bum unable to muster up anything even vaguely similar to motivation in order to complete the act of writing it down.

Fuck me.

Hard.


06. HgN lol YOU KNOW WHAT'S UNDER HERE
This is a bit of overlap from the art block section, but it's true. Hane ga Nai stuff has completely taken over my every conscious and unconscious moments. I want to write up this new Arc about Sheppard, Rein, the Impalti, and everything. It's such a huge part of things now that I really really REALLY want it to happen just the way I see it in my brain... but I'm afraid to even dare writing it down. I'm afraid I'll buther it horribly. >__>;; I know this sounds weird, but I honestly think it won't come out the way I want it to unless I'm really focused on it and nothing else.

That's not happening anytime soon.

...we might be waiting a while.

=___=;;;


07. MusicLife
I found old CDs and music lately, but I've been listening to Angela Aki, Gackt, Gundam 00, Code Geass, and K-pop/rap mostly. My Jammin! and ReAwakening playlists hae been my ultimate friends keeping me up into all crazy hours of the night and day slowly taking over my brain.

This is good. I need this sort of distraction from everyday life and it's good music to become indulged in.

I can only hope I don't get sick of it.

Then I'd have to find new music to listen to and holy fuck, that's probably on happening very soon.




There's probably more but I've lost it, so I'll end here.

Later!
The Autophobic Golden Gods.

[Music] The music in my head (which happens to be Replay) [Mood] Desperately wanting to do something, yet not knowing what to do